Just keep moving, just keep moving...

The first thought when I opened my eyes this morning was, "Today is the day." I had a million thoughts flood my mind. I can do this; maybe I can't. Every other day seemed like a big step; they were hard too. Who am I kidding, I hate running; actually I have really been enjoying this. It is probably bad for my back until I get a better sports bra; actually it is amazingly good for me.  I should wait and do it tomorrow; no, Today is the day!

All day it is going through my mind. I know I need to get out of the house this morning so that I don't obsess and stress myself out about it.  We head to indoor park and I think I mentioned it several times. Ok, so i obviously don't have to be sitting at home to obsess. We head to the store and then home afterward. "Let's go girls. Time for nap." I glance at the treadmill, my partner in crime for the past four weeks, and actually give it a nod. Apparently I have spent enough time with it to grant it it's very own personality. With my nod I mentally say, "See you in a few minutes."

 I round up the girls and get them into bed. My mom and sister stop by to pick something up and I welcome the distraction. It drowns out the "Jaws" music that is playing in my mind. Once they leave I lace up the running shoes and dive in before I can think too much about it. Ok, before I think too much MORE about it.

I am running and feeling pretty good. I am keeping myself distracted so I don't think about the time. That is until Mr. Ullrey (the man who wrote these podcasts) announces, "Good job! You are half-way there."  WHAT! I can't believe I just did ten minutes, my longest yet, and I still feel good. WHAT! I have to do ten more??? This running thing has definitely brought on a case of multiple personalities within me. I am excited and timid, encouraged yet doubting in the same fraction of a second. For the first time, I truly understand what it means to have your flesh and your spirit at odds within you. Great, now this running is not only good for my health and my waistline, but also my Spiritual understanding.

Somehow, (It almost feels like time fast forwarded) I only have two minutes left. It is at this time that I hear someone talking to me. I am wearing headphones so it is distant. "Yes, Lord?" (It might be the Lord calling me home.) Actually I feel pretty good so that must not be it.  Of course, it is my precious two year old peeking her sweet little head out into the garage. Really? Is this happening. Of all days. She knows she is not allowed to get out of her bed during nap time.

"I am going potty, ok mom?  Then I will get panties because I want to be done with my rest. Ok mom? So I will just go potty now. I am so happy. You just run on the tread-meal mom. Ok mom? I am so excited." SHUT! She closes the door before I can scold her between my very deep breaths.

My run is done. I feel victorious but I cannot celebrate due to an imminent battle with my mini-me.  I turn off the treadmill, and head in. "Karalee, go get into your bed and I will be there in a minute."  She must see how worn out I look because she does not obey on the second, third or fourth time either. I meet her in her room and we go through the consequences of  not listening. How can this be? I just complete a small milestone for me and in the next minute I find myslef not celebrating, but disciplining an adorable little girl. The same girl who is promising me that if she doesn't get in trouble, she will be a good list-ten-rrr for the rest of her life.

And this is my life. It is quiet now. Karalee just finished yelling from her crib, "I need to go potty again, mom." My run is finished and coincidentally, so is the "Jaws" music that was playing in my head. I sit here feeling calm and confident as I share my day with all of you mommy's out there.  I know you understand the victories, the frustrations and the humor that is woven throughout or mommyhood days. Thanks for listening, or reading rather....